← All Chapters The Book of 2 Samuel · Chapter 13

2 Samuel 13: A Brother's Crime

Amnon's lust ruins Tamar, David fails to act, and Absalom nurses a two-year hatred that ends in murder and exile.

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2 Samuel 13 (WEB)

1 After this, Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.

2 Amnon was so troubled that he fell sick because of his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her.

3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very subtle man.

4 He said to him, “Why, son of the king, are you so sad from day to day? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

5 Jonadab said to him, “Lay down on your bed, and pretend to be sick. When your father comes to see you, tell him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and dress the food in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it from her hand.’”

6 So Amnon lay down and faked being sick. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.”

8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was laid down. She took dough, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes.

9 She took the pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. Amnon said, “Have all men leave me.” Every man went out from him.

10 Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the room, that I may eat from your hand.” Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the room to Amnon her brother.

11 When she had brought them near to him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister!”

12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me! For no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Don’t you do this folly.

13 I, where would I carry my shame? And as for you, you will be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.”

14 However he would not listen to her voice; but being stronger than she, he forced her, and lay with her.

15 Then Amnon hated her with exceeding great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!”

16 She said to him, “Not so, because this great wrong in sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me!” But he would not listen to her.

17 Then he called his servant who ministered to him, and said, “Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her.”

18 She had a garment of various colors on her; for with such robes were the king’s daughters who were virgins dressed. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.

19 Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her garment of various colors that was on her; and she laid her hand on her head, and went her way, crying aloud as she went.

20 Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.

21 But when king David heard of all these things, he was very angry.

22 Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.

23 After two full years, Absalom had sheep shearers in Baal Hazor, which is beside Ephraim: and Absalom invited all the king’s sons.

24 Absalom came to the king, and said, “See now, your servant has sheep shearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.”

25 The king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” He pressed him; however he would not go, but blessed him.

26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” The king said to him, “Why should he go with you?”

27 But Absalom pressed him, and he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him.

28 Absalom commanded his servants, saying, “Mark now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine; and when I tell you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I commanded you? Be courageous, and be valiant!”

29 The servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and every man got up on his mule, and fled.

30 While they were on the way, the news came to David, saying, “Absalom has slain all the king’s sons, and there is not one of them left!”

31 Then the king arose, and tore his garments, and lay on the earth; and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn.

32 Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered, “Don’t let my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men the king’s sons; for Amnon only is dead; for by the appointment of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar.

33 Now therefore don’t let my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king’s sons are dead; for Amnon only is dead.”

34 But Absalom fled. The young man who kept the watch lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold, many people were coming by way of the hillside behind him.

35 Jonadab said to the king, “Behold, the king’s sons are coming! It is as your servant said.”

36 As soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king’s sons came, and lifted up their voice, and wept. The king also and all his servants wept bitterly.

37 But Absalom fled, and went to Talmai the son of Ammihur, king of Geshur. David mourned for his son every day.

38 So Absalom fled, and went to Geshur, and was there three years.

39 King David longed to go out to Absalom: for he was comforted concerning Amnon, since he was dead.

Summary

The bitter harvest of David's own sin begins to ripen in his household. Amnon, David's firstborn, is consumed with desire for his half-sister Tamar, and his cunning friend Jonadab devises a scheme to get her alone. Pretending to be sick, Amnon asks David to send Tamar to feed him, and when she comes he seizes her and forces her despite her pleading. As soon as his lust is spent, his desire turns to violent hatred, and he casts her out in disgrace. Tamar tears her royal garment, puts ashes on her head, and is left desolate in her brother Absalom's house. King David hears of it and is very angry, yet he does nothing. Absalom says not a word, but he hates Amnon and waits. After two full years, at a sheepshearing feast, Absalom has his servants strike Amnon dead, and then flees to Geshur. David mourns, longing for the son he has lost, while the kingdom drifts toward deeper division.

Main Characters

  • Amnon — David's firstborn, whose obsessive lust for his half-sister Tamar turns to cruel hatred after he assaults her, and who is killed at Absalom's command.
  • Tamar — Absalom's beautiful sister, who pleads for honor and is brutally wronged by Amnon, then left desolate and silenced.
  • Absalom — Tamar's full brother, who hides his rage for two years before avenging her with murder and fleeing into exile at Geshur.
  • Jonadab — David's nephew, a subtle man whose advice enables Amnon's crime and who later reassures David that only Amnon is dead.

Key Verse

2 Samuel 13:21 (WEB)

But when king David heard of all these things, he was very angry.

Lessons Learned

  • Unchecked desire, fed by clever counsel, leads to ruin for the one who indulges it and the one it harms.
  • What we call love can be exposed as mere lust when, once satisfied, it curdles into contempt.
  • A parent's failure to confront sin in the home does not make peace; it stores up greater grief.
  • Buried anger, when left to fester, does not die but plots, and finally erupts in violence.
  • Sin promises pleasure and delivers shame. Amnon's craving, once gratified, becomes hatred “greater than the love with which he had loved her” (2 Samuel 13:15, WEB). Lust uses people and then discards them.
  • Wise-sounding counsel can serve wicked ends. Jonadab is called “a very subtle man” (2 Samuel 13:3, WEB), and his cleverness only helps Amnon sin. Not all advice that flatters our desires is good.
  • Anger without action invites disaster. David “was very angry” (2 Samuel 13:21, WEB) but did not act, and his passivity left Tamar without justice and Absalom free to take vengeance.
  • Hidden hatred is still deadly. Absalom “spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon” (2 Samuel 13:22, WEB). Silence concealed a murder two years in the making.
  1. How does Jonadab's counsel set the tragedy in motion, and what does it reveal about choosing whose advice we follow?
  2. Why do you think Amnon's feelings toward Tamar turn so violently from desire to hatred?
  3. David is very angry yet does nothing. What are the costs of his passivity for Tamar, for Absalom, and for the kingdom?
  4. Absalom hides his hatred for two years before acting. What does his patience in evil teach us about unforgiven anger?
  5. Where might you be tolerating a wrong in silence—either a sin of your own or one you have failed to address—and what would faithful action look like?
  1. Jonadab supplies the exact plan for Amnon to get Tamar alone (13:3-5). His shrewdness is bent toward gratifying a friend's sinful craving, a warning that counsel which removes obstacles to our desires is not therefore wise. Help the group weigh advice by God's standards, not by how well it serves what we already want.
  2. Scripture says the hatred was greater than the love (13:15). What Amnon called love was self-serving lust; once it had taken what it wanted, the person became a living rebuke he could not bear. True love seeks the good of the other and does not discard them.
  3. Tamar is left desolate, Absalom is left to take justice into his own hands, and the throne is shaken. David's anger without discipline or care for his daughter shows that strong feeling is no substitute for righteous action. His own past failures may have muted his moral authority at home.
  4. Absalom says nothing, good or bad, while he waits and plans (13:22-23). Nursed resentment can wear a calm face while it hardens into something murderous. Encourage honesty about the slow danger of grievances we refuse to bring into the light.
  5. This is a personal-application question. Invite members to name, even silently, a wrong they have buried or ignored, and to consider one faithful step toward truth, justice, or repentance. As leader, keep the tone gentle and point to the God who brings hidden things to light to heal them.

Scripture quotations are from the World English Bible (WEB), the King James Version (KJV), and the American Standard Version (ASV), all of which are in the public domain.